Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I still have a little drunk in my system
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
