first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
