At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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