what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
