Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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