drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
