At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
