Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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