i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
