I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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