Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
