y did u give ur computer a hand job?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
