Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
