first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
