In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
