Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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