So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
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