shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
