This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
