just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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