Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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