I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
