could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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