it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
