Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
