help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
