I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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