he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Randomize
