you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
