____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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