Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Randomize
