you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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