I just saw a hot homeless man
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
4 words: hood of his car
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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