I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
