found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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