I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
