it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
