I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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