dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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