I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
