My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
