the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
it's great music for shaving your balls
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
These tits shall not be calmed
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
