Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
