I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
