I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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