Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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