the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
