I've blown a few things in my day
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
