Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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