Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
