I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
